Speaking to a room full of human resources professionals, Deana Keever noted that she did not need to explain the damage that can be done to working relationships by incivility among coworkers. When colleagues do not show each other respect and fail to communicate purposefully and effectively, emotion can replace logic easily, and the ability to cooperate can easily degrade to the point that nothing can be accomplished.
Keever, who is the human resources director for the City of Rock Hill, focused instead on strategies for resolving conflict when it does occur, and even starting the difficult, and necessary, conversations that she said many supervisors and employees will sometimes delay indefinitely out of a fear of conflict.
She spoke at the Spring Meeting of the SC Municipal Human Resources Association, a conference that also covered issues like Employee Assistance Programs and benefits through the SC Public Employee Benefit Authority.
In communicating, she said, the way a person delivers a message will often outweigh the specifics of what is said, with nonverbal cues either validating or negating the message.
“Tone speaks louder than what you're saying,” she said. “The energy you put into that, negative or positive, really makes a difference, as well as body language.”
Keever walked the audience through the differences in communication styles, including an assertive communicator, who can clearly express wants, needs and opinions; to an aggressive communicator, who can also express these things about themselves but is less likely to consider the wants and needs of others. A passive communicator does not express these things and is likely to prioritize the needs of others above themselves, while a passive-aggressive communicator is likely to indirectly express wants, needs and opinions.
“I see myself a little bit of myself in all of these at different times, and I think it’s just an awareness that we should have. This is a good tool to share back with your workplace to say, maybe with our styles, there's going be a reason why we're not highly effective at communication, because our styles are different,” she said.
Some of the key points in communicating well, she said, include listening actively — engaging eyes, ears and emotions — and it also requires communicators to understand the impact that their personal perspectives have on a conversation, and working to understand other people while aiming to be understood by them as well.
She likened communication to “lumps of clay,” that can be gradually shaped into meaningful objects through ongoing effort.
“We're always forming our perception based off of what's sent to us, and so is someone else, doing the exact same thing,” Keever said. “That's something that we have to keep in mind as HR directors and other team members, that we are helping folks navigate difficult conversations at times — maybe we're the one having to have that difficult conversation — but understanding they're going to hear it from their perspective.”
The SC Municipal Human Resources Association promotes sound human resources administration and encourages innovative programs among the state’s city and town governments. MHRA provides training programs as well as an opportunity to exchange ideas among its members, both through meetings and through its very active listserve. The national Human Resources Certification Institute and the Society for Human Resources Management recognize MHRA’s training for continuing education credits. Learn more online.